i have 13 open pages with 13 different posts started. At times I think that words can’t express what the soul is crying out. I have this fear that my world as I know it has stopped spinning and all the chapters have fallen from the sky right at my feet and I know… I know it all. …and I’m scared.
Here I stand in this empty field (literally) all i keep praying for is to feel a touch… a loving touch… a safe touch. I scream inside the same pleas. -If only a mother to hold me as I fall to my knees. a voice whispering wisdom as I exhale this heavy realness of pain.
Emotions here i sit in. and long for a peace that passes all understanding. and as I pray and grieve… and the peace does not come i feel unworthy and dirty and wonder why no one comes. wonder what it is in this moment that i am doing so wrong.
I feel as if my seemingly best-est of friends walk by this wounded girl and walk quickly by… the ones who see me hurting it’s just not in their time to understand… ugh… and some may try… but i don’t want to fake life… i need someone to hold me in this strife…. because it’s all coming together and it hurts… oh… how it hurts… i know we all have busy lives… but someone…
ahhhh… i am screaming inside! I clench my teeth in hate and disgust for the pattern of this madness… i feel so alone!
i reject this foolish emotion… and long to be free from this bondage.
have you ever wanted to be held so bad, by someone who will allow you to fall apart, that it hurts so bad that it is murdering your soul and all you can think of is screaming for help.
I just want to write… but all I can do is feel… and what my body is feeling is too much pain from the memories.