Processing my feelings

It’s kinda been a rough few days for me.  Recovery is seeming a little gray at the moment.  I know that I’m moving forward and that I’m healing, yet it hurts so bad right now.  I’m  proud of how far I’ve come these past months…. it still does not make it easier… some days it seems harder!  The difference from then to now is hope.  I have a grasp on hope and I know deep down inside my sadness that there will be a day when I can look back and say, “I am who I am… beautifully made by my Heavenly Father for a time as such to embark on my passion that God has favorably fashioned in me… and free from the darkness that once kept me silent”

Sometimes it seems like moving forward is so very slow. Sigh… and I know I am doing the very best I can but sometimes my best is not good enough. I want to stay focused and climb this mountain once an for all. Which is also hard when my insurance company is being difficult :/

I have a daughter that is a swimmer… a very good one I might add :) Her main event is the 50 free and every time she shaves a 100th of a second off she is disappointed that it’s not more. At the beginning of the season she never thought she would get any ware close to state time. This weekend she PRed her time and took off seconds of her time that she started with in the beginning of the season. Who would have ever thought that all those 100th of a seconds would some day add up and make her one of the fastest swimmers? (FYI, High School swimming is fun to watch… I myself was the basketball/soccer girl so it took me awhile to enjoy watching this sport :) )

Sigh… that’s just it for me… I need to realize that all these 100th of seconds in my life will add up and before I know it I will be there… ready to embark on the life God has for me. I’m getting it… I am understanding that slow is not bad, yet necessary.

It is my prayer that God will keep me safe in His arms… it’s a hard prayer for me seeing that I am struggling understanding why he would keep me safe now but not then. It’s a hard question many people ask. I just need to remember that despite my doubt I know that His love is real… I know because I feel his presence around me so many times. I need to remember how important it is to feed my faith and starve the doubt. God has a plane for this life of mine. I am sure of this… I just need to keep reminding myself…

Should I be bold enough to speak in this moment?
A Reverent heart must surely be unbroken…

With no regrets
Should I be,
Lost in forgetfulness
With no regrets
In my head,
Faithfully shared

Should I be rich, or poor and scattered
In my dreams?
While all the figures that surround me live unguarded

Free from the worry
Free from the dark that lives in me
Free to embark on the passion
You’ve favorable fashioned in me

With no regrets
Should I be,
Lost in forgetfulness
With not regrets
In my head,
Faithfully shared.


5 responses to “Processing my feelings

  1. Layla girl,you can trust that all the challenges confronting you are purposeful and to your advantage. Stay diligent. The path to healing is WORTH the journey…have no regrets girl. I MISS YOU and LOVE YOU!

  2. You are so right! All those 100th’s of a second you are shaving off now are adding up! I am so proud of you and how far you have come these last several weeks. Continue to stay strong like you have and know that there is hope in Him!!! I love you :)

  3. Dear L

    First I will like to thank you, for your visit and comments to a page I have so badly neglected since It’s beginning- but promise that as of today, I will keep up with it and will be posting new poems on a regular basis.

    I have read your work and I am truly impressed of your sensibility and ability with words. It has been a great pleasure to wander into this beautiful garden and to have touched and breathed and lived each and every one of your beautiful flowers, and the sweet fragrance which I am sure, will lure me back for more, and more ever again.

    I thank you once again and I feel honored with your visit! PJD


To all that let me know your thoughts... I appreciate each one. Thank you for reading all my Untitledmoments. ~L

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