Tag Archives: Relationships

Mother

Two forty eight in the morning
My mind is worn-out
My body in alarm
I close my eyes
And listen deep

I sometimes hear my mother singing
Then realized it was never to me
I breathe in
And release
I hang my head in the sorrow

Imagining her loving me
Her hands running through my hair
A gentle touch
A loving kiss
An affirmation of hope

Three twenty one in the morning
My heart grieves
My gut sinks
I wide eyed stair into the wall in front of me
Saddened by dull dreams

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Honesty of what is going on…

Honesty… I had someone reading my blog that i really needed not to know.  I am leaping with faith that it doesn’t matter anymore.  Honesty I feel my self slipping into a deep depression again and I need this blog as it has been a releasing of my spirit as I can be free with my words.  I appreciate each reader and comments.  I maybe selfishly need that support.

This is who I am… a passionate girl who writes.  I feel that sharing it with the world is better than keeping it in a journal to only collect dust on a shelf.  If I can encourage one because of my story then I am going to take that chance.  No more secrets.  I thought about starting a new blog but I think I would miss all of you whom I have built this relationship over the past year.  I want to be faithful and honest with you.  So yes, as summer approaches I will blog less and spend more time with my sunshine’s and butterfly.  They give me joy and a reason to push on.  This blog is where I push on for myself.  It is hear that I learned that I have a purpose and too I have learned here how to love myself.  It is a back and forth battle at times, yet I am that much closer to that full understanding of who I really am.

I am a mother, first, before a writer… before a friend… before my other passions… I am a mother. Balance is an important thing I must learn. Sometimes it’s hard to truly love the ones who mean the most to you. You try to protect them from your own pain, your scars, your sickness, your past and the evil that seems to keep haunting you. I vow today to each day be the best mom I can be; it’s not all the hoopla that the world makes us believe moms have to be. The house can be a mess, laundry needing to be put away, a frozen pizza or staying up late on a school night. That is not what makes a good mother. Going to the park and leaving laundry, spare your needed energy that making a big meal takes and throw a pizza in and curl up on the couch to watch a move with you babies. Watch them sleep as you thank God for their health and their safety… leave your writing for the rainy days that their at school. Make their mornings special. Never stop telling them you love them.

They notice our love more than our depression or difficult moments. When it comes to your kids, Love wins. Love them, love them, love them. Sometimes love has to be a choice… but love them.  My little one has such a precious love for me. She reminds me that I am needed and even if I never follow the dream of singing… it is enough that she thinks that I am her favorite singer. My middle one is my snuggler… she need my love the most and it is the most work to love her at times. My oldest is amazing and the easiest to love… Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes. I came in her life when she was 10. She has given me much joy and sunshine as my cloudy days seem to be more and more… her love always brought sunshine to me.
…my lullaby to my beautiful kids Sung by ~L

Love. I think I CAN give it another shot…

I have doubted love
I have fought its existence
I wanted to run away from it
It hurt too much to fear the loss of love

Even though I never doubted that it once was love
I couldn’t understand why love was so heroically given
and then so easy covered under fear
Though I never doubted that it once was…. or even still is…
I now doubt that it wasn’t what it seemed to be

People have forced it into hiding
It hasn’t been fair to the ones that did valiantly give
Rules of LOVE are meant to protect, sustain and never fail

Life is not black and white
There is much gray
We don’t know what should be the way

When love has to protect the deepest loves
Sometimes love has to be put on hold
To love in the order that is meant to be
This I understand

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