Tag Archives: Poems by ~L

Dream Within a Dream (edited version)

Dream Within a Dream

Who is responsible for this girl?
Lost within a dream
Plummeting to the next obscurity
Caught within her mind that is now dreaming within a dream
Subconsciously searching for security

The only means to escape this life-mare, obnoxious
Is for the subconscious to look for another dreamer
One to find the key to her soul that has been locked within a box
A braver dreamer
One who dares to dream deeper
And there they will search for the secrete keeper
Break in and take back her name
Reveal the secrets to free her shame

Projections of her subconscious
creates a space to search for the rules
Rules that have cast spells for their main tool
To leave her hushed with faith unconscious
The feelings she carry are more intense
than this visual before her frame
From ones her attacked in ways so cruel
…And now, to save her name
She must play this game

Who is responsible for this girl?

Searching for her true identity
All these imposters, her name they borrow
Yes, to get her through the sorrow
The screams
The expectations
And dreams
Of the yesterdays and tomorrows

The new dreamer searches for this key
Hidden between the forged names
Buried amongst books
Books that created a library of a life filled with  alters from all ages
Her life wages
within the dream as it enrages

Who is responsible for this girl?

Dose she dare bring the subjects of evil into rem
Let their thoughts stem
as they sprout their secrets
to pave the way in finding her gems?
Steal them back from the ones who condemn!

though it may be able
Seeds that plant into the mind
changes everything.
Dreams within dreams are too unstable
A comeback she may not be prepared to bring
The possibilities of their sting

She is no longer just words in the book
But now thoughts that are shared
Here lays the new hook
No, it’s not fair
The dream is collapsing
They found her scared
Now impaired
Tempting to do what’s been declared

Who is responsible for this girl?


Is she dead
Or just lost within her head
Dreaming of dreaming
And in the dream dreaming again

Where is the ‘kick’ to jolt her back?
Dreamer number two,
fall within another dream
They are invading her thoughts
Quick switch
Don’t get caught
Hurry, find her name

.                                                        …


Constructing a dream from your memory
Is the easiest way to lose your grasp on
What is real and what is the dream

Welcome to limbo
Where her name is buried
and reality and dreams are married
Searching for the key to uncover her name
The name that is stuck with in this dream
Accumulating toxic shame

Who is responsible for this girl?

I am I am responsible to pull her from the depths of these current dreams
Those dreams collided with the reality of childhoods pain and fears now extreme
It is I, who holds the forbidden responsibility
To find her (no not her… my)
To find my name.




Free Write Friday’s and dVerse Pub (undercurrents)

Untitled (I can’t title a moment if I don’t really know what ‘it’ is… it just is) Untitled


My mind is in a fog
and I seriously am crying
from the inside out,
shedding not a single tear…Drowning in a single mirror
from the outside in
as I dangerously am contemplating
My heart’s remaining years



“Hold on”, You say… … “I’m trying… I really am”, she whispers

My Present Hour of Darkness

My Present Hour of Darkness
By: ~L

Pages and Pages
From all stages
From the small ages
To present as it engages

Left untreated

Title a moment.
Title several moments.

Leave me untitled
and call me Jane

There’s nothing left to explain
Nothing remains
It’s all in-vain
Everything remains…

.It’s vulgarly insane!




if you want to listen to ~L read poem…

if you want all of my heart….

I Will Paint You A Rainbow

I Will Paint You A Rainbow
By: ~L

If your rainbow becomes lost
I shall paint one for you in the sky

I will pull out my ladder
Use a magical brush
Paint you your hope
And bring to you love so lush

When skies are gray
and your moments are sad
I will passionately pray
For a promise to be made

You told me yesterday
“I’m your hope mommy”
And today I tell you,

You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
Please don’t take my rainbow away

There will be days when you too
Will feel your rainbow has disappeared
I will be there through and through
To be your artist in the sky
To give ‘my reason’ a hopeful view

For my beautiful little girl who I call ‘my reason’

Poem Read by: ~L with a song to her little girl at the end.



Unthinkable injustice
more than mind can comprehend.
Unthinkable in every aspect
unthinkable without end.

Deep within the soul of a man
Dark and controlled – unthinkable

The need to measure and to weigh
the need for justice now prevails
As grain by grain of sand is placed
upon those waiting scales.

Continue reading

Forgiving You

Forgiving You
By: ~L

Forgiving you was something I thought I would never do
Loving you was something that was crushed by disgust
Blaming you for it all became a tattoo
Appalled by the way you lived in disgust
And how you buried your head in the sand when you knew

For the first time this past year
I realized mom, that you have always loved your daughter
That you did the best you could in the unfathomable waters
Hiding the pain you felt in your high as you feared
It was the only way to survive the flooded dysfunction so severe

Your alcoholic husband and his spontaneous fits of rage
Were followed by the Two A.M Bar closing s inebriated
With his arrival back home the bomb had been detonated
His ego and control became his useful and intoxicating stage
And now this hot tempered man became exceedingly animated
Continue reading

Feed The Faith ~ Starve The Doubt

          Feed The Faith ~ Starve The Doubt

Light of Life

I know this last enduring flame may show some kind of hope…
But the binding fear and secret gloom
Have cast their deadly shadow

Amongst the darkness of sorrow and disbelief
Joined with solitude she’s left there to cope
She stores in her depth a morsel of hope
Yet it does not release this elevating grief

Feed the faith
Starve the doubt

green – but not that you would know

Green is all I know . ..

green but not that one would know
i barely know
and i’ve tried hard to know
sometimes her green does not recognize even themselves
mostly they know too much
.                         .              .   

this way
that way
but not your way
not long enough for you to know

more down than up

i’ve searched to see what’s within her green
i need the green to feel safe enough to search
to let what’s behind the green do what she is made to do… what she once was.

the green wants to tell
even if there are things longed to be untold
the green is made to learn
even if there are things longed to be unlearned

hesitant – but desperate for someone to know the exact green
the exact shade
the exact hue
the exact brightness

someone to know
that’s what’s needed
that’s what’s feared
that’s the the shade of green
a hidden green

they hurt the green because the green forgot her job

shame hinders her green to look someone’s way
yet longs for someone to know
someone who wants to know
someone who looks long enough
someone who waits long enough
someone who knows too much
and then still wants to know more
someone to take her hand and pull her to the other side
the safe side

but not that you would know


‘I am not going to shut up’

Ignite a hope again
Be the fighter that you know you are!
Stand up and tell them
“NO”! “You sit down”!
“It is my turn to heal….
my turn to say
what needs to be said”.

This is my voice
my story
and no… you may not tell me how to heal!

This… this right now is my hour to press on
my hurt
my pain
and you may not tell me to restore.
you may not tell me to forgive.
you may not tell me to hush
make peace
turn the other cheek.

You may not steal my voice from me!
Continue reading

In the stillness of the night!

I wrote this many months ago and yet this is still a very real on-going battle for me…   No one said healing from such a crime would be a hop, skip and a jump to ‘la la’ land…  their is a truth that gives me hope… i just need to keep the faith… and starve away the persistent doubt. They can’t have all of me.  This post was protected for a very long time… I’m unlocking it in hopes that it’s okay to disbelieve that curse full of damning lies and be very real with you today. (6.27.11)


In the stillness of the night as humans sleep …another world awake.
It begins to lurk into homes where windows have been left open
and doors remain unlocked

In the stillness of the night as a little girl lies a sleep.
Alone, there she is dreaming…  as her angels are unaware
Their swords have dropped be their side and her God has seems to disappear This is not the time for her protectors to be left napping
A little girl has been left in despair
as ‘they’ are now unwrapping

Heavens realm has been sealed tight
from protecting her tonight
As demons awake they
lurk around those supposed protectors of the night

How easy for them to carry her in this dark flight.

They slipped under her covers
Taunting her dreams that hover
Darkness blankets her cries
and haunting melodic sounds whisper her lullabies

Fear has imprisoned
Now possessed humans have arisen.
No longer a home to keep her warm
yet now there she lay,
Belonging to the cold unknown to be conformed
Where evil has tainted with her soul
Her Angels and Saints have lost control
as she fearfully lies less than whole

This is awful! This cannot be!
I shall testify what I see!

In the stillness of the night darkness has come for me
with just enough flickering light to see
these monsters taking over thee

Her little belly in knots
Her tiny hands too still
my sinking soul meditates despite the chill
Child eyes scan the room
for just one angle to rescue her from this doom.

God, please! Fight for her till dawn
Cradle her in the silver lining of Your embrace
hold her still in Your grace
Don’t let them know her soul lies safe
and no curse will break Your grip on her.
If they know
They won’t let go
until they finished killing
as blood forever spilling.

As night fades back to dawn
and my mind has been removed
Rushing water drowns her soul,
traps her thoughts as she now ‘goes’
this body can’t withstand the torture as it flows.

The water never hot enough
to clean the stains within
and never cold enough
to freeze remaining memories
Her mind has been strained
Tears too long have been refrained
Tears that now can hide
in this drowning so inhumane.
The memory is sent down the drain
as innocence has been slain

No longer can she maintain.
Her mind has been stained,
as these ritual drownings
ends the night in this crowning.

It’s not only imprinted in the deepest
corridors of her mind
but branded in her soul combined
as to the curse was burned deep to remind
of what can happen when her angels have been re-assigned

As scars remind
all that could rewind
to bring me back to evil mankind.
I swear to you I’m not blind!
With my own blood it has been signed.
I have been tortuously assigned
to never undermine!

Child now grown, trapped with in this uncertain adult…
now only memories assault.
Yet, still…in the “stillness” of the night…
I can’t help but wonder
who is still yet lurking into my bed with me at night.



Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies.
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths.
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl
what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind
to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such,
to share with the world who she was always meant to be

She thinks with color
And comprehends life as a song
The earth teaches her more than the words in a book
And passion fills her soul as she urges to fight injustice …..

Deep within this vessel lie colors unseen
within her eyes lies a story untold
behind her smile lies a joy that she can’t explain.
A joy that manages to push its way through the underlying ache
Even through the rampant war… her smile lingers on.

He tried and tried to steal her soul
Telling her that her eyes were cursed
Her lips where his
And her body was meant for the moments he created
She was told her voice was null
And she could void all her dreams
because she was meant for him
for nothing less
and nothing more
She was left emptied on an alter of humiliation and shame.

It’s time for her to look inside and put together the real me
It’s time for her to really know that all his words were murdering lies
and she was meant for so much more.
It’s time for her body to see the reflection in the mirror
and know that the eyes she sees carries a love for the brokenhearted
not for him to gaze into and make her feel dirty
And her lips are not cursed as he told her…
rather they are meant to give sweet kisses to her children
and speak out against injustice, to speak in courage,
and put to rest his control once and for all.

Her mind may have been tortured
but it’s time she claims power over the once dominant
And reminds herself that there has been a savior deep within her soul
Persevering her to be the women she is today.

She can laugh
She can sing
She can smile
She can dance

And he can’t tell her she’s any different than what she really is
Beautifully made to behold such a dream to make a difference and claim her name
The name he tried to bury with her innocence and dignity.
I am who I am.
Nothing less and nothing more

I laugh loud
I sing loud
I talk much
I smile at random beauty
and dance to the beautiful melody that lingers in my soul!
My mind is always on the go
I think with color and often put a song to everything I encounter

Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such to share with the world who she was always meant to be!

~I think the words to this song have been in my soul long before it was written… One thing for sure I know is that it was Jesus who rescued me from the the dark sky and no matter how awful it got I could always sing to Jesus!  This is the song that has lived in my heart for many years… and will till my final heart beat and until that day I will sing to Jesus and be who he has created me to be… His creative and beautiful Child… and I will believe that even if I doubt myself today…

Recovery begins when….

My spirit flows in the wind
in hunt for the protectiveness of my savior
I’m listening for my Fathers voice
but that’s all I hear is the monsters resounding echoes…
telling me I’m stupid
telling me I’m his

Recovery begins
When you set fire to the lies
When you face the fear
And deny the power of his shaming voice.

Recovery begins
With each breath that is spoken
With each tear that wells up
With each memory penned in ink
All against the evilness of his quest….

My spirit fights in the storm
In search for the forgotten memories
Gathering what’s left
from the damning damage that he created…
all as I was mercilessly forced to endure in the confusion
and harbor a greater pain and relentless torture
of this man that had a dark fixation on my once innocent now bleeding heart.

I’m still listening for my Fathers voice…

Recovery begins
In opening up
In telling my sad story
My story of a girl who was stripped of her virtue
Stripped of her voice
And left forgotten in a world where no one noticed the damage being done
where the villain seemed to always win and the innocence of her small life was tossed into the summer wind.

Recovery begins
When I’m assured that I’m not alone
When I’m assured that I’m not stupid
That what he did was not my fault
And I’m not out of my mind

Whisper to me…
Take me away in the wind
Let me feel the presence of my redeemer…
Recovery begins with HIM!

Little girl I am freeing us today
I am putting voice to our sad story
Defeating the monster
Declaring our memories as is
And no one can take us down

My spirit flows in the wind
in hunt for the protectiveness of my savior
I’m listening for my Fathers voice
And this is what it’s saying…

He’s telling us we are not alone
That recover began at the cross
Recovery began then
And recovery begins now
It begins with the voice of Love

Recovery begins
When I release the grasp of the darkness
When I step out of the shadows
And let the light bring the reality
Of the sadness

Recovery begins
When I let the voice of the redeemer
be the only echoing voice with in.
Recovery begins when I let go of all I have been clinging to and
allow His healing hands to recover me from the ashes
and turn me into something beautiful.


*I’ve never found a more perfect song to fit a post before.  I hope you take the time to listen to this beautiful song by Firefight…. it is perfect!  You would think that I wrote this post after I heard this song… yet I found it after as I was searching for a fitting song…. it was meant to be…

Worlds Collide

Summer nights
Full of fright
Her heart in her belly
Her mind… not ready to fight.
In flight she mentality soars
to the deepest part of a world
Where a hero lies
A hero that save her from the dark disenchanted world
where the monster lies in charge
and her bleeding body becomes his means of power.

In this flight
She lies in the mental safety
Where no fright enters her soul
Where her heart is free to fly with the butterflies
And her intellect free from the tortuous underworld
…safe within the silver lining – the safety net for her own shame
and horrendous acts of evil hands and evil games.

It is here in her imagination
that the monster can’t keep her from singing her melodies
where her laughter is embraced…
a cherished friend is welcomed…
the innocence of children play…
and fear is forever banished.

Yet it’s a shame that in her shame the worlds collide
And she is forced to choose.
Forced to stay grounded
Forced to stay beneath the silver lining
where a suspicious pattern of evil hands steal her value
and leave her less than whole
more than brokenhearted
And full of fear.

Her heart was left in flight.
Her hero now trapped beyond the protective layer
which only left her to the reality of gravity.
Fallen from grace and longing to go back
For once what was helpful
has now become dangerous in the healing of her soul.

Reality goes on trial.
She is forced to testify the unwanted memories
Yet knowing that her voice will make them less
does not make this heart of hers feel overly convinced.

Her soul will bellow out
in madness
and in sadness.
She will mourn the loss
of childhood…
Mourn her forbidden friend… her forgotten world.
She will mourn the death of her life that could have been!
And fear for the life that will never be…

Summer nights
slowly fade
Days full of fright
No longer can take flight
Her heart in her belly
Her mind…
somewhat prepared
Yet uncertain
Now hesitant for this necessary fight.

Admitting the reality
of what was
what is
and what will always be
And tomorrow too…

“Another day…. another waiting game…  So I sing a lullaby to the lonely heart tonight.  I am fighting to believe.  I want to open up my eyes… I’m going stronger each day… letting go of my fear and doubt….  Fighting for love that I can’t see…. Just know that theirs a purpose…. for those who wait!!! The pressure makes us stronger… the struggle makes us hunger… the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it… !!  ~ Fireflight

Set back!

I feel so much confusion, anger, pain
My heart is bleeding out with silent screams!
I fear that what is done can never be undone
Undone would make it a lie
But rather fix what is broken?
Oh silent screams
My soul is bleeding out…

Oh sweet tragedy
pouring from my wound
Seeping from all the many cracks
that are loosely held together by this childs glue

What a disappointing setback
What a tragedy
Seems this life to me

Oh, Lord can you come rescue your child
I’m bleeding out
I’m fading fast
And I’m brokenhearted
Screaming silent screams
To a mighty force
A war is raging
And I’m bleeding out.

“Mommy! Take the band-aid off”… “Wait no”…

All day today my four year old has asked me, “mommy! Take my band-aid off”. And every time I go to take it off she says, “ughh! No No, never mind”. Five minutes will go by and she will say it again, “mommy! Just take it off”; and then again I go to grab the peeling corner that I have worked on for the past 8 hours and she once again changes her little mind in fear of the pain. “It’s going to hurt”, she yells and again she runs away.

It wasn’t until this last time that I got it. I understood the wonderful metaphor that God was trying to show me all day.

As I walk through this or should I say crawl through this unimaginable journey, I am continually becoming stuck when it comes to putting voice to the painful memories. I think the band-aid represents my sealed lips… It’s just like my princess asking me to rip off that band-aid… she keeps finding the courage to “just do it” and when it comes time to face the fact that it’s going to hurt, that it’s going to be too much… she runs away. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I tell myself today is the day I am going to give voice to the unending madness; I will have more courage than before. But then I fail miserably… AGAIN.
I’m leaving on this band-aid on too long… when I just want someone to rip it off and let my wound breathe…. scream out in pain and heal. It’s so hard! Saying “it’s so hard” does not even truly express it. It feels like instead of Triple antibiotic was applied first, super glue was used. I understand what God is trying to tell me. I feel as if I am lacking the faith that I will survive the pain that will follow. Or I lack in believing in His power that I really can own my voice and my body and nothing is going to happen to me. I wonder if God allows these triggers to continue to haunt me so that I will continue to run to Him for guidance. Is this His way of saying the time is now.

Why is it so hard to believe that He is right, that if I “run” this time it won’t get worse; that It will make it out? I understand, it’s just too hard to face. Maybe this week I will rip this band-aid off and let this deep would heal with some fresh air once and for all…

I will sing the pain; give voice to
the sadness of tearing flesh
and unending madness
Child, Scream the rage!

I want what cannot be,
what you could never begin
to give to my lost and wounded soul.
Child, scream the rage!

Tell me that you lied
take it back if you must.
Child, scream the rage!

You cannot know, cannot begin
to feel the anger, pain and fury.
The deepest burning pits of hell
cannot contain the torment I felt.
Child, scream the rage!

I am guilty in the first degree of childhood lost
Sentenced by a Judas-court
the judge Satan himself.
Child, scream the rage!

I totally reject everything that
you ever did inside of me.
Throw it in your face, your
demon eyes that never leave,
your lies, and perverted grace.
Child, scream the rage!

I will sing the pain,
give voice to the madness of murdered hope
and unending sadness.
I will climb one more step out of shame.
Child, scream the rage!

There will be a day when you’re on trial…
Your jury… will be those who have seen the effects that your evil has had on me.
And all will know who you really are.
The judge….
You better tremble because my God hates your god.
You can take back all you did to me
and go live with him in eternal flames!
…OH, and when you are begging for water…
remember that you used it all on me
when you tried downing my joy down the basement drain.
Child, scream the rage!

It’s time to take this band-aid off. I only wish my mommy would’ve never put it on to begin with!


Why Did You Take What Was Not Yours?

You live in my throat,
my chest, my belly.
Where you are, there is a lack of…
There is a pressure, a tightness… a blockage.

Where you are there is fear…
Shame, sadness, confusion.
Not knowing… not remembering
Why did you take what was not yours?

You wake in dreams,
and keep part of me asleep in life.
Why did you take what was not yours?

You block my love, my courage,
my knowing, my serenity.
You’re a stealer…
You’re a barrier, a basher,
a ruiner a stainer…
All of a little girl who once understood.

You stole my innocence
Buried my memories
Stained my sense of purity….
my wholeness…
and then went on to savage other little girls.
Why did you take what is not yours?

You’re a thief in the night
collecting innocence with your perverted games
and leaving what is left to remain naked, ashamed and all alone!

Why did you take what is not yours!


Muted Thunder…

What a slumber
Muted thunder
The day falls like a ghost
and you are tossed
and lost
and chosen
Storms rage
Hope dies
and you have been swallowed
by a sea of unwanted memories
Flashes of past
from young and old
Clouds overhead
homing dark demons whom thirston your weakness
One more prayer
to an apparently sleeping heaven
How much longer must I pray
How much longer must I wait
…wait to hear from You.

Unwanted thoughts

It’s worse than pain
when the memories come loose inside of me
your voice howls in my mind
sending me into an infinite pool of darkness
and I remember how my little stomach clenched in fear
when you whispered your ugly unwanted thoughts.

I hated you more than
anyone alive,
I hear your wrathful words eternally
like a stinging echo in my head
and I often wish you would raise from the dead
so I could tell you how I hate you so!


Unthinkable injustice, more than
mind can comprehend.
Unthinkable in every aspect,
unthinkable without end.

Deep within the soul of a man
Dark and controlled; unthinkable.
The need to measure and to weigh,
the need for justice now prevails…
As grain by grain of sand is placed
upon those waiting scales.
Pound for pound, ounce for ounce,
eye for eye and tooth for tooth.
Measured, meted, sifted out,
searching for what is truth.

Unthinkable injustice, more than
mind can comprehend.
Unthinkable in every aspect,
unthinkable without end.
Justice soon demands it’s due and
then becomes dire need!

Upon my knees I fall once more,
Holy Spirit, Intercede!
Break apart the darkness that seeks
to dwell within the corridors of my mind.
Break the hardness in my heart
and bring to me Your sweet rest.

Send your army Lord I pray
Fight the dark ones that seek to prey
I am weak and need Your peace.
Hear on my knees
I seek You oh Lord,
with all that is left.

Unthinkable injustice, more than
mind can comprehend.
Unthinkable in every aspect,
unthinkable without end.


Beauty from Pain

Deathly terrified

of what is
of what was
and what is going to come
…of what has always been.

I can’t hear His voice anymore
I am at the end of me
I am just in need of one night
one night of rest
one day filled with hope


“I forgot to hope this nights been so long
I cling to your promise…
their will be a dawn.

The best I can do is just pray through the day
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
and though I can’t understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back some day…
and see how you brought beauty from pain”

Okay God, I get it… I know… (deep breath in)  I am yours… mold me from this wreck… I do trust in You.