Tag Archives: help

Silent Secret Screams

 Silent Secret Screams

I want to scream aloud
all the pain that lies within
dig at my rejecting flesh
no longer can I withstand to inhabit this skin

I desperately grieve
for this agonizing energy to leave
pleading for it to flee!
be gone
go away
I want ‘me’ back

My body is in great agony!
How long must this go on?
I am falling – I am weak
I am sick of being incomplete
This fear won’t let my mind speak

Too much pain to even gasp
these silent screams too much for one to grasp
there is nothing left but to collapse
as tears now trail
their threats never prevail

This is Hell on earth
I am extremely certain
behind this curtain stages Satan’s lingering flames
His relentless games
and fear has set a blaze to every single nerve!All as I am drug across another day
where the shards of glass continue to rip open my flesh
as I bath in the salty sea as it floods
with the  forever-spilling of my blood…
waiting for sharks to attack –
because as long as I’m a bleeding beating drum

I am burning in pain with excruciating silent screams
desperately trying to
break free from the silence
of unending sadness
and increasing madness

In desperation,

…It’s Déjà Vu, Isn’t it?

…It’s Deja Vu, Isn’t it?
By: ~L

You’re on the other side of this wall, aren’t you?
It doesn’t matter how thick… it’s extent
I still feel your green eyes penetrating through
Weaving around double-crossing re-rod
Wondering, can they ever be bent?
Her quite prayer’s to God…
Have they already been spent?

The cold air has left the feeling of déjà-vu
Is it you in the air…
or is it my guilt and its crew?
True or false
I feel it though
And whoa!
Don’t they think they’re the boss!


I’m worn-out with all the trying
Trying to let me let you speak
Here I leave you stuck in poetry and pros
Writing on pages, Dear Diary…
then keeping you closed
It’s not effective, I know

I want to scream you out
I want for you
to believe your words can be heard
That you have that right to title your secrets
I just keep striking out
My word!
My voice is incredibly slurred!

I’m afraid I’m not brave
I’m terrified
Shame – a title wave
Fear- classified
Maybe it’s not always a blessing we survived?
Just maybe it would’ve been  better to title a grave
Others judge what they see?
Yet, I’m the one living with she

There are places in this mind,
that I have never been able to find
That is where you lie, isn’t it?
In such pain confined
You’re trapped there, aren’t’ you?


You speak to me in dreams
Remind me in cold air pleas
You try to tell me in the energy
Under the full moon – it’s extreme

…It’s déjà vu, isn’t it ?

It’s hard to love myself
When I abandon such a small child
Keep her on a dusty dark shelf
On the other side of a wall, feeling reviled
There is no guarantee to know
if it’s safe to come out and breath?
I don’t know sweetie…
I honestly don’t know


And as I keep trying
You keep crying
If heaven’s been packed away
While we just keep dancing
in a homicidal ballet





*Dance in the dark, picture credit to – lown_c with flicker. Click on picture to see more of this talented work.~

The most perfect song that finishes the words I can’t find… a complete to this post … “baby ballerina, is hiding somewhere in the corner”…

I’m letting go of all that I know

I’ve come to your throne here so cold and alonehere's to letting go
I’m calling on Your name
I lift my hands to the sky open wide
And I cry, Lord take me away

Take this heavy heart, this weary soul
and set them free
Remove my self till there’s nothing left
But you alone in me

I’m letting go of all that I know
I’m holding on to you alone
I lay it all down, down here at Your feet
I want You alone… You alone.

If I go to the heavens above
Lord, I know you will be there
And if I make my bed in the depths
Lord I know you are there

If I rise on wings of the dawn
or sail on to the far side of the sea
Even still, Lord I know you will
You will always be there with me

I’m letting go of all that I know
I’m holding on to you alone
I lay it all down, down here at Your feet
I want you alone… you alone.

Inspired My Psalms 139

The Pain of Knowing – Part I

The Pain of Knowing
December 7, 2009 from the blog, “The Other 167 Hours …Life outside the session” By: Dr.David Hamilton PsyD

I often work with people who are trying to find the courage to know what they know. Imagine standing in front of a wall that you are about to paint. You look at it and decide that red would be a perfect color for the wall, and you’re right. It would be.

Red Paint with Splash of YellowYou have a paintbrush in your hand. Next to you is a step ladder with an open bucket of paint on top. You reach up and dip your paintbrush into the bucket.

But, something’s wrong!

Your paintbrush comes out yellow. That bucket is full of yellow paint! Yellow is definitely not the right color for this wall.

You decide to try again. After carefully washing off your brush, you again take your place in front of the wall. You reach up and dip your brush into the paint can. It’s yellow. That’s not right. Everyone you know agrees that this wall should be painted red. You decide you need a break. You set down your brush and walk away upset. You decide to give it 24 hours.

The next day you have calmed down. You are feeling a little more positive now. You go to the wall, pick up your brush, which has caked-on dried paint from the day before and you spend the next 30 minutes carefully cleaning the brush. Then, you carefully and happily dip it in the bucket, only to be shocked again that it came out yellow.

You throw down the brush, frustrated. You spend 15 minutes looking at the wall carefully making sure that red would be the best color, not yellow. Yup, it should be red. You pick up your brush, wash it off and dip it in the paint bucket…

I’ll leave the rest of the story for you to finish.

There are some things in life that are definitely not the way they should be. You know how they should be, but every time you try to make changes, it doesn’t work. You get mad, frustrated, hard to be around, depressed…
Continue reading