Titling all the untitled moments one post at a time
Thanks for visiting 'Untitled Moments' Where breaking the silence is a learned journey for me. Passion fills many of my posts and pain is spilled throughout ... as splashes of hope and my faith fight its way to the top, someday there they will stay in victory...humbly shinning with purpose and confidence.-
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Spreading her magic (A beautiful blog I’ve grown to love)
One of L’s favorite blogs… check it out :)- Hiding Dirty LaundryFunny, the way they think it’s supposed to be - lead by chic flicks and Kardashian romance that makes me giggle because to me, this thing called love is more than the tossing… Read More →kellieelmore
- Tantrumit swells then crashes down on top of anyone and anything lying in it’s path and burns and turns to ash inside a hollow chest where blood boils and rushes and beats and… Read More →kellieelmore
- iHeart; Nicholas Sparks StoriesiHeart Nicholas Sparks! His stories always give me goosebumps. What authors/books and/or movies do uHeart? *Image Creditskellieelmore
- Hiding Dirty Laundry
- The Other 167 Hours
- Until we meet againI will be taking a break from my blogging probably until sometime in the fall. I want to be able to put my effort into writing of another sort. Thank you all for reading and commenting. So until that next post I wish you all the best. - dh
- Online JournalingThere is pretty good research about the benefits of journaling for emotional well-being after stress, crisis, or trauma. The catch is (well, there are a few) it should be done at least twice a week for at least three weeks AND the writing needs to focus on expressing the most intense and painful emotions AND [...]
- What if I feel like dying?Our instinct for self-preservation is strong and seemingly automatic. And yet… And yet… There are times when even a creature wired for self-preservation can contemplate suicide. I want to die. I wish I were dead. I’d be better off dead. Then what? I should tell you that if you are currently feeling like dying, you [...]
- Until we meet again
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dVerse
Tag Archives: a little of this and that
I poured every ounce of my soul into this…
Video Poetry
Posted in My art work
Tagged a little of this and that, Healing, hope, memories, remembering, thoughts, Video Poetry
Protected: Broken Melody
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Posted in Healing one day at a time
Tagged a little of this and that, childhood, fear, lost
If you could, hold on for just a bit.
I am not sure how long yet, but I think it’s best if I take a break from posting new writes for for a bit. I will still read when I can from my subscribers blog.
I am under an extreme amount of pressure and situational struggles that need my attention. It’s hard to make this decision because it is you, my readers who are very encouraging and affirming. I appreciate each one of you and I’m very grateful for the kindness you have shown me.
I don’t know how long it will be? …perhaps a week, two… or maybe a poem once every other week. (…through one up there for a Free Write Friday and just let it be, with out the pressure of the ‘rules’ of poetry. Of course those rules are mostly my own set of standers and perhaps ridicules ones – but none the least… I allow it to suck me in to play the role of pressuring me to ‘do it just so’)
I will still be writing (always), yet for now it will be with pen and paper (and a sore hand) ;) Feel free to read previous posts and share your thoughts if you feel so led :) I just edited five posts that explain my story as best as it could be shared… so much that I even learned about myself re-reading them today… and you know you’re going through a slump when that happens.
You can catch up there or wherever when you want to. When your comments come across my phone throughout the day, they always give me a warm feeling that someone is caring at the moment enough to take the time to share their thoughts about reading something I wrote from my heart.
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Posted in Healing one day at a time, Random Blog Posts
Tagged a little of this and that, faith, fight, hope, hurt, music, remembering, thoughts, Trust, Video Poetry, voice
left untitled (again)
How do I care enough about this moment to not worry about the next?
Because a next moment makes me think….this moment needs to make sure that next moment does not come. And sometimes everyone’s answers of how to fix that… it’s not as easy as what it sounds… and I don’t expect one to understand; for they can only understand what they know.
Desperation… Desperation will make you do the unthinkable. It is easy for one to judge another and say “I would never… ” but the truth is, you have no idea what you might be willing to do until you are there. When you’re eye to eye with desperation, when your body is broken and your mind divided, you will do exactly what you must to survive…
A death of the spirit is worse than a death of the body.
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Posted in Random Blog Posts
Tagged a little of this and that, darkness, death, depression, hopelessness, thoughts
Dream Within a Dream (edited version)
Dream Within a Dream
Who is responsible for this girl?
Lost within a dream
Plummeting to the next obscurity
Caught within her mind that is now dreaming within a dream
Subconsciously searching for security
The only means to escape this life-mare, obnoxious
Is for the subconscious to look for another dreamer
One to find the key to her soul that has been locked within a box
A braver dreamer
One who dares to dream deeper
And there they will search for the secrete keeper
Break in and take back her name
Reveal the secrets to free her shame
.
Projections of her subconscious
creates a space to search for the rules
Rules that have cast spells for their main tool
To leave her hushed with faith unconscious
The feelings she carry are more intense
than this visual before her frame
From ones her attacked in ways so cruel
…And now, to save her name
She must play this game
.
.
.Who is responsible for this girl?
Searching for her true identity
All these imposters, her name they borrow
Yes, to get her through the sorrow
The screams
The expectations
And dreams
Of the yesterdays and tomorrows
The new dreamer searches for this key
Hidden between the forged names
Buried amongst books
Books that created a library of a life filled with alters from all ages
Her life wages
within the dream as it enrages
Who is responsible for this girl?
Dose she dare bring the subjects of evil into rem
Let their thoughts stem
as they sprout their secrets
to pave the way in finding her gems?
Steal them back from the ones who condemn!
However
though it may be able
Seeds that plant into the mind
changes everything.
Dreams within dreams are too unstable
A comeback she may not be prepared to bring
The possibilities of their sting
She is no longer just words in the book
But now thoughts that are shared
Here lays the new hook
No, it’s not fair
The dream is collapsing
They found her scared
Now impaired
Relapsing
Tempting to do what’s been declared
Who is responsible for this girl?
.
Is she dead
Or just lost within her head
Dreaming of dreaming
And in the dream dreaming again
Trapped
Where is the ‘kick’ to jolt her back?
Dreamer number two,
fall within another dream
They are invading her thoughts
Quick switch
Don’t get caught
Hurry, find her name
. …
~
Constructing a dream from your memory
Is the easiest way to lose your grasp on
What is real and what is the dream
Welcome to limbo
Where her name is buried
and reality and dreams are married
Searching for the key to uncover her name
The name that is stuck with in this dream
Accumulating toxic shame
Who is responsible for this girl?
I am
I am responsible to pull her from the depths of these current dreams
Those dreams collided with the reality of childhoods pain and fears now extreme
It is I, who holds the forbidden responsibility
To find her (no not her… my)
To find my name.
~L
.
.
Free Write Friday’s and dVerse Pub (undercurrents)
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Posted in Free Write Fridays, Poems by ~L
Tagged a little of this and that, child abuse, Dream, Dreamer, dreams, Free Write Friday, nightmares, Poems by ~L, Psychology, voice
They are…
They’re
.
They’re hidden in each block
An embarrassment of unspoken evils
They’re embedded in brittle rafters
One way conversations
Burned by her transferred thoughts
They’re hanging in dark corners
Clinging in dusty webs
Spun by small witnesses
They’re contained in rusted pipes
The echoed screams that are silenced
An accomplice
to the removing of her mind
They’re corroding in a floor drain
Collecting guilt and shame
Growing the fear over many long years
They’re trapped by a 1×2 porthole
Where the fire of hell has welded shut the seal of hope
They’re engrained in the ground
The spilled innocence
of evidence
They’re trying to fight their way out
Bound in a chest by brutal ropes
Holding them from freedom… they say – there is no leaving
. They’re are secrets
. .… , They are mine
I’m working on to taking back the embarrassment
Embedded in each lying block
Realize the need to dig up the years
Stained within a cold-blooded floor
To flush out the pain and start taking back my mind
It has no place remaining in a filthy drain of shame
I want more than anything to break the seal of bondage
Shatter the glass of despair
One day to your face
I hope to sweep away the cobwebs
Fearlessly burn words into your brittle rafters
Then watch you cave
As your building of secrets come crashing down
I want to remove your power over me
Remove the guilt that has grown for years
It was never mind to keep
Here you go…
place it in your drain to grow
In your new dwelling place
Your 6×8 cell of shame
I want justice
to seal away your harm…
and if it was hell you wanted
here you go
One day, it will come
and then it will be your turn Count them up – one by one
Each block of embarrassments
as they’re there to remind you…
They’re…
They were secrets
They’re to be secrets no more.
~L
Titling the untitled one by one… I’m entitled – They’re What they are…
Like this:
Untitled (I can’t title a moment if I don’t really know what ‘it’ is… it just is) Untitled
.
My mind is in a fog
and I seriously am crying
from the inside out,
shedding not a single tear…
Drowning in a single mirror
from the outside in
as I dangerously am contemplating
My heart’s remaining years
~L
.
.
“Hold on”, You say… … “I’m trying… I really am”, she whispers
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Posted in Music is the heartbeat of my healing soul, Poems by ~L
Tagged a little of this and that, blah, death, depression, emotions, fear, Poems by ~L, sad, thoughts
My Present Hour of Darkness
My Present Hour of Darkness
By: ~L
Pages and Pages
From all stages
From the small ages
To present as it engages
Left untreated
Secreted
uncompleted
Title a moment.
-pain
Title several moments.
-Inhumane
Leave me untitled
and call me Jane
There’s nothing left to explain
Nothing remains
It’s all in-vain
Everything remains…
.It’s vulgarly insane!
.
.
.
if you want to listen to ~L read poem…
if you want all of my heart….
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Posted in Poems by ~L, Random Blog Posts
Tagged a little of this and that, blah, fight, hurt, music, Poems by ~L, thoughts, tired
…It’s Déjà Vu, Isn’t it?
…It’s Deja Vu, Isn’t it?
By: ~L
You’re on the other side of this wall, aren’t you?
It doesn’t matter how thick… it’s extent
I still feel your green eyes penetrating through
Weaving around double-crossing re-rod
Wondering, can they ever be bent?
Her quite prayer’s to God…
Have they already been spent?
The cold air has left the feeling of déjà-vu
Is it you in the air…
or is it my guilt and its crew?
True or false
I feel it though
And whoa!
Don’t they think they’re the boss!
.
I’m worn-out with all the trying
Trying to let me let you speak
Here I leave you stuck in poetry and pros
Writing on pages, Dear Diary…
then keeping you closed
It’s not effective, I know
I want to scream you out
I want for you
to believe your words can be heard
That you have that right to title your secrets
I just keep striking out
My word!
My voice is incredibly slurred!
I’m afraid I’m not brave
I’m terrified
Shame – a title wave
Fear- classified
Maybe it’s not always a blessing we survived?
Just maybe it would’ve been better to title a grave
Others judge what they see?
Yet, I’m the one living with she
There are places in this mind,
that I have never been able to find
That is where you lie, isn’t it?
In such pain confined
You’re trapped there, aren’t’ you?
.
You speak to me in dreams
Remind me in cold air pleas
You try to tell me in the energy
Under the full moon – it’s extreme
…It’s déjà vu, isn’t it ?
It’s hard to love myself
When I abandon such a small child
Keep her on a dusty dark shelf
On the other side of a wall, feeling reviled
There is no guarantee to know
if it’s safe to come out and breath?
I don’t know sweetie…
I honestly don’t know
.
And as I keep trying
You keep crying
Wondering
If heaven’s been packed away
While we just keep dancing
in a homicidal ballet
~L
..
.
*Dance in the dark, picture credit to – lown_c with flicker. Click on picture to see more of this talented work.~
The most perfect song that finishes the words I can’t find… a complete to this post … “baby ballerina, is hiding somewhere in the corner”…
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Posted in Healing one day at a time, My favorite posts
Tagged a little of this and that, abuse, childhood, help, lost, past, poetry, remembering, Sound Cloud, traumatic memories, voice
Delaying Sundown
Delaying Sundown
It is as if everything leaves your 
body. Your soul is all that is left and you would do about anything to stay in a place so holy. Your mind starts ripping you back to your flesh, thoughts instigate an interference; you are slipping from glory. The senses… intense. Concentration interrupted during the moment’s in-between and your mind fights to stay; yet the magnet of your disruptive thoughts lures you away. There are those fleetingly glorious, travels, back to that inconceivable realm and for a split second… you are just that soul once again.
Distractions, they pull you away, and you let them… although it seems like you are trying with every ounce of your being… your mind continues to battle for a place in this remarkable space. Judgments of self-worth leave you feeling unworthy of just being a soul… you give up on your fight; although your experience may have been mind-blowing; you let your mind stay with the views of obscurities. You’ve seen and experienced too much loss of 
hope. Your mind has let your soul slip out of that glorious sphere one too many times. Evil has tainted sanctity and now your mind believes, it is shame that deserves the stake in your heart.
To deserve to be in such a moment where all energy leaves, where you become weightless, where you are fully wrapped in a moment as your mind allows all logic and science to be placed on hold – while you experience fully being one with a force unexplainable; it is going to take much practice, self-love and a lot of faith… until then, perhaps He could delay sundown…
~L
-
– Until then, perhaps He could delay sundown…
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Posted in Free Write Fridays, Random Blog Posts
Tagged a little of this and that, dreams, Holy place, hope, Love, place so holy, Self-love, Soul
“I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”
Crying for Heaven’s rainbow beams
Hell’s flames haunt my dreams
Child’s faith I once embraced
Along this path it’s been misplaced
Here I lie in a memory of red
awaiting bravery to move ahead
I’m afraid of a dark code
that lingers on this yellow brick road
It’s not that easy to click your heels
and just go home and heal
God if you’re listening…
Hold me by a thread if you must
as I learn to grieve and trust
Courage, wisdom and heart I need
This would be my greatest plea
I miss Your sacred touch
To the heights of the Heavens – that’s how much
~L
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Posted in Healing one day at a time
Tagged a little of this and that, childhood, courage, poetry, prayer
At The Close of Her Day
At The Close of Her Day
~L
She’s searching a valid response
if she may
A conclusion of love
at the close of her day
A support to understand
While she takes the time to plan
Please don’t misunderstand
For she has not gone astray
She is now just finding her way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She is burdened by much uncertainty
So much frustration of doubt and insecurities
She prays for one to understand
It seems the unavailability
For her security
Is not in demand
She longs for stability
To hold her tight in her humility
For she can’t seem to find the energy
to battle all theses demons and her impurities
She’s running at such a disgracing pace
With shame she hides her face
And asks how
How is it that she has come to this disenchanted place
And how could God allow
Allow these demons to embrace
these memories that retrace
She’s doing the best in the midst of this fear
the hours of darkness have been so surreal
She seeks a place of protection
Where she can feel a safe connection
A place to bring direction
Not perfection
Just a place for reflection
From all the evil evil years of disconnection
She has found her life’s been changed
Courage failed
Hope caged
Oh how disappointment’s been enraged
Her bravery sadly derailed
Disengaged
Have they prevailed
Has hope really exhaled
A Hundred times she’s been removed
Remember the hell that was used?
It’s not easy going back to be reused
Nor is it easy to prove
Not easy to see the accused
Not easy at all
There is an ache
to relive being so small
No longer do I want to stall
but to feel re-abused
to mentally arrive in the hall of hell
to have to recall
I’m afraid I will be all alone
when I fall
I’m so very confused!
How do I choose?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She’s searching a valid response, if she may
A conclusion of love at the close of her day
A support to understand
While she takes the time to plan
Please don’t misunderstand
it’s just so much to withstand!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Posted in Poems by ~L
Tagged a little of this and that, alone, faith, PTSD, scared, searching, Trust
The Words Just Won’t Come…
I’ve seem to have lost the words
I’m not sure where they went…
Perhaps I’m discouraged that my depression is back and has spiraled into a pain that is unexplainable. I feel shame and guilt for feeling this way after two years of searching for wholeness and healing. What a disappointing fall. I’ve struggled with aloneness… and now that I barely write or blog… I feel like I’ve lost this community too.
I re-read many of my posts and say that’s exactly how I feel but whats the point of reposting them now? I don’t have many others that say it loud enough like:
PTSD – This is what it feels to me.
~or
It’s just a mess right now… a discouraging and embarrassing mess. I’m trying to write… but the words just are not coming together like they used to…
missing you all
~L
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Waiting
Like this:
Friend Request Pending
I have sent many friend requests to sleep -
Yet sleep keeps ignoring me; thinking it
does not remember me.
I know it’s been a long time…
But HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME?
Remember…
I was the one who liked you soooo much
I couldn’t get enough you…
and now you just forgot!
Sleep does not want to be my friend :\
Sleep???? :( I tried you for the past 6 hours:( I wish you wanted me as much as I wanted you:/
Friend Request still pending
(Ha! how is that for fluent sarcasm!) ;)
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For ‘UncertainMe and all Her AmbiguousValues”
(inspired from a broken heart for a brokenhearted friend with the song, You’re Beautiful by: MercyMe)
To: UncertainMe and all her AmbiguousValues
From:~L and all her UntitledMoments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know at times life is so uncertain
the world seems to be much
too vague
our childhood we lived was
beyond confusing
which makes everything and everyone
seem so very unclear
Our pain seems indefinite
the memories …
they go on and on and on…
hope seems hazy
and all we want is to be loved
Our values have been lied to
at times we wonder if God
even exists
and what is beauty?
Because that also has been tainted
Moments in time have been left untitled
shame sealed across our lips with secrete stories
stories that are much too awful to know where to even begin
moments now remembered… as grief now overwhelms
We ask ourselves…
How can I be loved?
How do I know what love is?
and how do I love myself?
when love was so distorted
Continue reading
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Posted in Poems by ~L
Tagged a little of this and that, child abuse, courage, fear, God, Healing, hope, hopelessness, Love, memories, music, past, poetry, prayer, Religion and Spirituality, Trust
I fell a Sleep…
I prayed
blinked my eyes a few
my eyes grew heavy
the clock said 11:42
I fell a sleep with peace so true
with hope as my levy
I fell asleep with faith in view
I fell asleep with my hand resting on my face
I awoke in a terror disgrace
a great fear grew
I saw her face
my mind now in review
I was frozen in place
my voice withdrew
and then I remembered my embrace
my hand hadn’t moved from my face
Continue reading
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Posted in Poems by ~L
Tagged a little of this and that, Jingle Poetry, Love, poetry, Trust
Healing Rain
This song has always been a favorite. It spoke to me as it started raining this past July… I just had to go out and “be washed in Heaven’s rain” (emotional) …”to stand in Summer’s rain. I will never forget this moment. It was a healing moment for my soul. I was blessed enough that it was all captured behind a camera! This video is what I like to call ‘Video Poetry’. Words could not describe what that moment was… so here is my moment for you in the form of ‘Video Poetry’.
Healing Rain
By: ~L
Most Pictures were taken by my Step-daughter and some myself. Hope you enjoyed ;)
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Quick thought….
I never ever thought the day would come when all that I have learned for the past year would make this much sense. I make sense even when it is awful. It’s easy for me at this point to say… or sure you feel that way today but what about in a few weeks.
I’m not going there. Today I’m really getting it. Things that have been said months and months ago have clicked. It’s all just making so much sense. I’m seeing it clearly… I’m listening with a better understand.
THis is painful. This is hard. This makes me cry. This makes me smile. This makes me know that I have to grieve.
I want to get through this to get to the point that I can walk with my head high and right into the lightness exposing all the darkness.
Fighting strong
~L
was that really a quick thought? :)
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1:00am: time is moving very slowly as fear is taken over me…
Fear is only in my mind
Fear is only in my mind
Fear is only in my mind
(problem is all memories are too…. Memories that are true…. Memories that remind me that fears rightful place is deep inside of me)
Numb
Fear is only in my mind
