Category Archives: My art work

~Indescribable ~

Posted on January 14, 2012 | 30 Comments

Nothing Can Compare To The Beauty of His Artistry

“God, I am in awe of the beauty of Your nature that surrounds us… It’s as if you opened up the heavens and sprinkled beauty so pure for us to marvel at such a wonder.  We, who are poets, writers,  photographers,  and artists; we strive to create words that express…  capture pictures to illustrate and paint stories to convey.  And yet You, with one breath, dust beauty among us ”

Here I stand looking into the heavens, and knowing, that this is the God who spoke light and divided darkness, placed the stars in the heavens and painted sunsets that take our breath away.  We could never come close to capturing the beauty of His artistry. To be able to illustrate as He has -  no mortal man could compare.  So here I stand amongst these trees, lifting my hands; captured by His grace and cleansed with His mercy, as it washes this unworthy soul white as snow.


→ 30 Comments

Posted in My art work, Random Blog Posts

Tagged , , , ,

~My Right Brain~

Posted on August 24, 2011 | 25 Comments

When I can’t find the words to verbalize
I capture it behind a camera that implies
Paint you a color to realize
Give you a song to reprise
and though it’s not direct, I have generalized
The story within my eyes

If the saying is true
that a picture is worth a thousand words
Then this is just another way to construe
And the saying let my words be few
Is just another point of view

It would leave many of you with a chill
To know those thousand words in one still
It would pull back the clouded vision
From the ones who think they understand the drill!
Perhaps then some would discern
they truly haven’t been displaying a goodwill.

~L

That's A Bright Idea...

I wonder what would happen If I literally combined all the colors , pictures and songs in a container shook it all up; As this container of such is like my mind’s retainer of all the memories that have been unspoken. Many of them hold far too many words to sift through grammar and logic… how it will sound and what memory should be first. When your mind is stacked with untitled moment after untitled moment… you can’t just put your mind on pause and choose one. In this very visual right brain idea; I think this is the ticket to overcoming the overwhelming anxiety of speaking a loud what had seemed to have been the unspeakable. So in courage I would place all these untitled moments in front of me… I shall reach my hand in and randomly take out a memory and then with valor speak the words to the pain of the very moment that I hold in my hands.

I am choosing to free the memories as hard as it, to grieve what was never allowed, to receive love that was never given and feel safe where it was never provided. The freedom to breath and realize their hands aren’t really there, their voices are just haunting lies and then to know it’s now just a memory.

I don’t have to feel the power of their lies anymore… I will feel the emotions and sensations as I speak what was once denied… grieve the many losses …then stamp ‘titled’ on a long-awaited memory that I now choose to be part of who I am; another layer; another moment titled and another that no longer has power over me. So here it is… all my inconspicuous ways of saying the unsaid with pictures, music, and creative poems that hide a deeper meaning; One by one titling all the untitled moments in my life… the only way that feels right.

The key to unlocking this box for me is feeling safe and support as I struggle to feel very alone in this aftermath of untitled moments scattered all around. ..so one by one…(sigh) I get it… this will leave me standing on a solid ground; with what once was ashes will soon be turning into something beautiful.

I think it’s important we don’t forget what makes us-us.  We can heal using the way God uniquely desighned us to be.  For me it’s living in a music box, swimming in an ocean of color and rhythmic words, and standing under a rainbow of captured stills that tell my story; rain and shine.

Be you… always… even in the pain, never stop believing in who God made you to be.

→ 25 Comments

Posted in My art work, My favorite posts, Poems by ~L

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

at times when the world seems to be a dream

Posted on July 14, 2011 | 18 Comments

at times when the world seems to be a dream
and all you want to do is wake up and scream

when your faith is tested
and you now hesitate to believe what God has invested

when the darkness seems to surround
I desperately need the light to abound

so much pain
too much has been drained

to understand the me
is to understand how to be free

to know who this girl is now
is to know who the girl was then

to receive the love of God
to know it’s not a facade

it’s not delirious
it’s mysterious

his love is like an avalanche of grace
it has not been misplaced

and as the walls close in around us
the pressure tests us, I must confess

I search to find a peace
an inner strength to increase

in this world we will suffer
and somehow it makes us tougher

when earth is no more
and it’s time to soar

I pray that I have been faithful
despite the world and it’s dark pull

we are his masterpiece
an artsy of an almighty God

and someday I will know why
the fathers love and why he had to die

it’s not a great philosophy
His love…

we must not guess
the answer is yes
I must profess

He loves us
because He loves us
because He loves us

peace with in the distress
because He loves us

because He loves us

late at night… going through the motions the only way I know how… singing… music… raw…

Because he loves us…

→ 18 Comments

Posted in My art work, Poems by ~L

Tagged , , , , , ,

Not in the mood to talk…

Posted on May 4, 2011 | 16 Comments

Hands

when the music fades

He didn't like it when I played... my daddy did but he was never home... I did it in the secret anyway...

Child With Prayer Hands Together

Oh, God please hear me this night....

....must be a pill for that

a picture may be worth a thousand words but in this case it's a thousand mysteries... don't try and understand ... it just won't happen.

It was never yours to take!

Day 72/365 ~ Nothing was Beautiful and Everything Hurt
Continue reading →

→ 16 Comments

Posted in Healing one day at a time, My art work

Tagged , , , ,

The Pain in Knowing – Part II (my own thoughts)

Posted on March 12, 2011 | 6 Comments

Part II of The Pain in Knowing; my response to the post written by: Dr. David Hamilton PsyD. Click here to read Part I .

I sat outside in the sun being ‘mindful’ as I doodled this picture on my iPad.   I was trying to stay mindful. I had to keep bringing myself ‘back’ to just being creative with art… not where my mind wanted me to me go. (It just so happens to be that yellow is really not what I want to see… it reminds me of the first day my grandfather abused me)  In this situation I see two truths; One, as hard as it is for me to face the color yellow (literally). The second truth is; God is present as I love sitting in the yellow sun enjoying the birth of spring in the light and being in this moment that is good. Truth; yellow reminds me of my dress on my seventh birthday and how a beautiful summer day turned into a cold winter blizzard.  I saw my yellow dress and as the pain became numb, I painted a world full of greens and blues and pretty purples.  Denying the yellow dress denied the painful truth of knowing.  I don’t think it was bad for me to do that then but there a came a time that facing the painful truth was ignored.  So As I literally painted yellow today outside (electronically) …It was a struggle for me to remember that I was in a good moment and that was the reality of the truth.  The memory was true too right?

I may have wanted to paint the dang wall purple, red, teal… whatever color you WANT to paint with… but to ignore the truth for so long that the wall is yellow is dangerous. To wake up one day, start your morning; grab your coffee and turn around to see a YELLOW wall in your house!?! Pure shock; you drop your cup… wonder “why the heck is my wall yellow”! Your kids wake up and you say to them, “look the wall is yellow. Why is the wall yellow”? They walk by like your nuts!
Continue reading →

→ 6 Comments

Posted in Healing one day at a time, Knowing God and Making Him known, My art work, My favorite posts, Poems by ~L

Tagged , , , , , ,

Breath no more…

Posted on January 18, 2011
If only one would have looked

This gallery contains 7 photos.

→ 5 Comments

Expressing with color

Posted on November 10, 2010 | 9 Comments

“One drop in the pouring rain” ~L ’10

“I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming monsters
Calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops as
They’re falling tell a story”~L ’10

“trapped light” ~L ’10

 

“Looking out in fear”  ~L ’10

→ 9 Comments

Posted in My art work

Tagged , , ,

Processing my feelings

Posted on November 9, 2010 | 5 Comments

It’s kinda been a rough few days for me.  Recovery is seeming a little gray at the moment.  I know that I’m moving forward and that I’m healing, yet it hurts so bad right now.  I’m  proud of how far I’ve come these past months…. it still does not make it easier… some days it seems harder!  The difference from then to now is hope.  I have a grasp on hope and I know deep down inside my sadness that there will be a day when I can look back and say, “I am who I am… beautifully made by my Heavenly Father for a time as such to embark on my passion that God has favorably fashioned in me… and free from the darkness that once kept me silent”

Sometimes it seems like moving forward is so very slow. Sigh… and I know I am doing the very best I can but sometimes my best is not good enough. I want to stay focused and climb this mountain once an for all. Which is also hard when my insurance company is being difficult :/

I have a daughter that is a swimmer… a very good one I might add :) Her main event is the 50 free and every time she shaves a 100th of a second off she is disappointed that it’s not more. At the beginning of the season she never thought she would get any ware close to state time. This weekend she PRed her time and took off seconds of her time that she started with in the beginning of the season. Who would have ever thought that all those 100th of a seconds would some day add up and make her one of the fastest swimmers? (FYI, High School swimming is fun to watch… I myself was the basketball/soccer girl so it took me awhile to enjoy watching this sport :) )

Sigh… that’s just it for me… I need to realize that all these 100th of seconds in my life will add up and before I know it I will be there… ready to embark on the life God has for me. I’m getting it… I am understanding that slow is not bad, yet necessary.

It is my prayer that God will keep me safe in His arms… it’s a hard prayer for me seeing that I am struggling understanding why he would keep me safe now but not then. It’s a hard question many people ask. I just need to remember that despite my doubt I know that His love is real… I know because I feel his presence around me so many times. I need to remember how important it is to feed my faith and starve the doubt. God has a plane for this life of mine. I am sure of this… I just need to keep reminding myself…

_____________________________________________
Should I be bold enough to speak in this moment?
A Reverent heart must surely be unbroken…

With no regrets
Should I be,
Lost in forgetfulness
With no regrets
In my head,
Faithfully shared

Should I be rich, or poor and scattered
In my dreams?
While all the figures that surround me live unguarded

Free from the worry
Free from the dark that lives in me
Free to embark on the passion
You’ve favorable fashioned in me

With no regrets
Should I be,
Lost in forgetfulness
With not regrets
In my head,
Faithfully shared.

~L

→ 5 Comments

Posted in Healing one day at a time, My art work

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Inside

Posted on November 4, 2010 | 2 Comments

Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies.
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths.
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl
what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind
to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such,
to share with the world who she was always meant to be

She thinks with color
And comprehends life as a song
The earth teaches her more than the words in a book
And passion fills her soul as she urges to fight injustice …..

Deep within this vessel lie colors unseen
within her eyes lies a story untold
behind her smile lies a joy that she can’t explain.
A joy that manages to push its way through the underlying ache
Even through the rampant war… her smile lingers on.

He tried and tried to steal her soul
Telling her that her eyes were cursed
Her lips where his
And her body was meant for the moments he created
She was told her voice was null
And she could void all her dreams
because she was meant for him
for nothing less
and nothing more
She was left emptied on an alter of humiliation and shame.

It’s time for her to look inside and put together the real me
It’s time for her to really know that all his words were murdering lies
and she was meant for so much more.
It’s time for her body to see the reflection in the mirror
and know that the eyes she sees carries a love for the brokenhearted
not for him to gaze into and make her feel dirty
And her lips are not cursed as he told her…
rather they are meant to give sweet kisses to her children
and speak out against injustice, to speak in courage,
and put to rest his control once and for all.

Her mind may have been tortured
but it’s time she claims power over the once dominant
And reminds herself that there has been a savior deep within her soul
Persevering her to be the women she is today.

She can laugh
She can sing
She can smile
She can dance

And he can’t tell her she’s any different than what she really is
Beautifully made to behold such a dream to make a difference and claim her name
The name he tried to bury with her innocence and dignity.
I am who I am.
Nothing less and nothing more

I laugh loud
I sing loud
I talk much
I smile at random beauty
and dance to the beautiful melody that lingers in my soul!
My mind is always on the go
I think with color and often put a song to everything I encounter

Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such to share with the world who she was always meant to be!

~I think the words to this song have been in my soul long before it was written… One thing for sure I know is that it was Jesus who rescued me from the the dark sky and no matter how awful it got I could always sing to Jesus!  This is the song that has lived in my heart for many years… and will till my final heart beat and until that day I will sing to Jesus and be who he has created me to be… His creative and beautiful Child… and I will believe that even if I doubt myself today…

→ 2 Comments

Posted in My art work, Poems by ~L

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Worlds Collide

Posted on October 19, 2010 | 1 Comment

Summer nights
Full of fright
Her heart in her belly
Her mind… not ready to fight.
In flight she mentality soars
to the deepest part of a world
Where a hero lies
A hero that save her from the dark disenchanted world
where the monster lies in charge
and her bleeding body becomes his means of power.

In this flight
She lies in the mental safety
Where no fright enters her soul
Where her heart is free to fly with the butterflies
And her intellect free from the tortuous underworld
…safe within the silver lining – the safety net for her own shame
and horrendous acts of evil hands and evil games.

It is here in her imagination
that the monster can’t keep her from singing her melodies
where her laughter is embraced…
a cherished friend is welcomed…
the innocence of children play…
and fear is forever banished.

Yet it’s a shame that in her shame the worlds collide
And she is forced to choose.
Forced to stay grounded
Forced to stay beneath the silver lining
where a suspicious pattern of evil hands steal her value
and leave her less than whole
more than brokenhearted
And full of fear.

Her heart was left in flight.
Her hero now trapped beyond the protective layer
which only left her to the reality of gravity.
Fallen from grace and longing to go back
For once what was helpful
has now become dangerous in the healing of her soul.

Reality goes on trial.
She is forced to testify the unwanted memories
Yet knowing that her voice will make them less
does not make this heart of hers feel overly convinced.

Her soul will bellow out
in madness
and in sadness.
She will mourn the loss
of childhood…
Mourn her forbidden friend… her forgotten world.
She will mourn the death of her life that could have been!
And fear for the life that will never be…

Summer nights
slowly fade
Days full of fright
No longer can take flight
Her heart in her belly
Her mind…
somewhat prepared
Yet uncertain
Now hesitant for this necessary fight.

Admitting the reality
of what was
what is
and what will always be
Yesterday
Today
And tomorrow too…

“Another day…. another waiting game…  So I sing a lullaby to the lonely heart tonight.  I am fighting to believe.  I want to open up my eyes… I’m going stronger each day… letting go of my fear and doubt….  Fighting for love that I can’t see…. Just know that theirs a purpose…. for those who wait!!! The pressure makes us stronger… the struggle makes us hunger… the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it… !!  ~ Fireflight

→ 1 Comment

Posted in My art work, Poems by ~L

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,