Tomorrow Is Only a Day Away

I write from the depths of my being

I bleed words of moments meant to be left alone.

I cry emotions that have never been fully grieved
…And I wonder what is the point

…temptation for total control is dangerously increasing.

…letting go?   … It’s not working and my thoughts of surrounding opinions and judgment from others – I am allowing it to eat away at whatever little amount of self-love I have.

…I need help today – but my fear, pride and self-disgust that it’s still so big, is getting in the way of reaching out my hand and asking.

Some days I wish I could stop writing in poetry and pros and bluntly say why it is that hurts so bad; why it has been such a long road and why it’s not just as easy to “get over it”.   … why I doubt, fear, love the way I do, lack trust… and

I am screaming inside again… listening to the resounding voices, “give up”.

-I have a choice to ignore that nagging voice… but sometimes I like the feeling that it could all be done with one choice. There are hundreds of words following that thought, but…

God, please lift me in a place of peace – pour courage into my spirit to be strong enough to continue. Forgive me for all my doubt… my faith is weak.

I don’t want a tomorrow
I just want the dust to take my tired body and free this soul from this world that teases it with amazing wonders and love – beauty and laughter – oh the joy is an amazing feeling to experience… those moments ARE beautiful … yet this soul has become buried by the reality of pain and I don’t want a tomorrow…

————————————————————–

There’s  a poem I wrote a few months back tittled, I Am Many, that captures this moments that I’m enduring right now.

I feel that there is war of clashing  and somewhere I know which one I want to be but she is so scared and passive, confused and full of shame.  She wants to hide all the awful away… there is a raging war within and I just want it to stop…  stop.

Tomorrow may only be a day away, but it’s another day closer to a day I never want to come to be.

~L

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14 responses to “Tomorrow Is Only a Day Away

  1. I don’t know what to say except that this too shall pass… and feelings are not always true. Tomorrow will be a new day with a fresh perspective. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. So sorry you’re in so much pain. I have been there many times and I am not going to give you any advice. I will just say it sucks and virtual hugs…thinking of you and praying.

  3. I wrote a couple of poems today with doubt in them, I think we all struggle with it at times too. Great poem L!!! loved it! hugs, Terri

  4. I am so sorry to see that you’re going through so much pain, I have been at a very low place particularly the last summer and sometimes it feels like it will never pass. You are an amazing person and I’m sure there’s many who love you so please don’t give up!

    -David

  5. Hi L, sorry for your pain. If you get a chance please drop by or send me an email maybe we can talk.

  6. Sending peace and love your way. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers knowing that there are probably no words to soothe your pain at this time.

    Hoping knowing that someone cares and is thinking of you helps you during this difficult time. I’m only an email away if you need to vent or someone to listen.

    Peace and love, (((♥♥♥)))
    Siggi on the Downeast coast of Maine

  7. ~L, Don’t give up. God will never forsake you or give up on you. But perhaps it is time to take a break, and just find a spot to sit in the lap of Jesus. You are in my prayers.

    Your post reminded me of this song by MercyMe called “Keep Singing.” I hope this link works. Peace, Linda

  8. ~L, like so many others, I ache for your pain and wish I could take it away. Sadly, we can only walk beside you with words of encouragement and virtual hugs. As I reflect on it, I am reminded of the story of Jesus who took our place by becoming sin for us. If only we, your readers, could collectively take your place and carry the weight of pain you bear. I’m so sorry you are feeling the way you do right now.

  9. You shame my words to praise you. Exceptional..!!

  10. Layla,

    I think about you more than you know. I think of our times together, and how inspired and encouraged I was by your strength and determination. You may not see it, but you are ONE.STRONG.WOMAN. I have seen her, I have hugged her, I have cried with her, sang with her, and I have laughed with her until it hurt! You are her. Believe it. You have my complete faith and support. I love you and miss you Layla girl.

  11. There is always light at the end of the tunnel..Keep moving!

To all that let me know your thoughts... I appreciate each one. Thank you for reading all my Untitledmoments. ~L

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