…It’s Déjà Vu, Isn’t it?

…It’s Deja Vu, Isn’t it?
By: ~L

You’re on the other side of this wall, aren’t you?
It doesn’t matter how thick… it’s extent
I still feel your green eyes penetrating through
Weaving around double-crossing re-rod
Wondering, can they ever be bent?
Her quite prayer’s to God…
Have they already been spent?

The cold air has left the feeling of déjà-vu
Is it you in the air…
or is it my guilt and its crew?
True or false
I feel it though
And whoa!
Don’t they think they’re the boss!

.

I’m worn-out with all the trying
Trying to let me let you speak
Here I leave you stuck in poetry and pros
Writing on pages, Dear Diary…
then keeping you closed
It’s not effective, I know

I want to scream you out
I want for you
to believe your words can be heard
That you have that right to title your secrets
I just keep striking out
My word!
My voice is incredibly slurred!

I’m afraid I’m not brave
I’m terrified
Shame – a title wave
Fear- classified
Maybe it’s not always a blessing we survived?
Just maybe it would’ve been  better to title a grave
Others judge what they see?
Yet, I’m the one living with she

There are places in this mind,
that I have never been able to find
That is where you lie, isn’t it?
In such pain confined
You’re trapped there, aren’t’ you?

.

You speak to me in dreams
Remind me in cold air pleas
You try to tell me in the energy
Under the full moon – it’s extreme

…It’s déjà vu, isn’t it ?

It’s hard to love myself
When I abandon such a small child
Keep her on a dusty dark shelf
On the other side of a wall, feeling reviled
There is no guarantee to know
if it’s safe to come out and breath?
I don’t know sweetie…
I honestly don’t know

.

And as I keep trying
You keep crying
Wondering
If heaven’s been packed away
While we just keep dancing
in a homicidal ballet

~L

..

 

.

*Dance in the dark, picture credit to – lown_c with flicker. Click on picture to see more of this talented work.~

The most perfect song that finishes the words I can’t find… a complete to this post … “baby ballerina, is hiding somewhere in the corner”…

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39 responses to “…It’s Déjà Vu, Isn’t it?

  1. Homicidal ballet – good one and so true. It’s definitely deja vu. Constant repetition of the same old pattern. Also loved “There are places in this mind that I have never been able to find, that is where you lie, isn’t it” – I like the use of the word “lie” here. Lie to me could mean lie as in telling untruths or lie as in remaining in a location. Food for thought! Enjoyed it, thanks!

  2. A very introspective and searching write, L. And, yes, many times it’s like looking into a mirror to the past.

    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/night-rules/

  3. very emotional piece this, going into the places of your mind that was once shut down of fear of not letting the pain come thru…sometimes i wud sit and think of that little girl that never receive the protection and love and all her suffering…as you grow older you lie not to touch those places and you carry on wandering why silent tears are falling, then you get to times where you feel you are replaying something or some place you’ve been before….

    • This was an emotional piece for me… Thank you for sharing your heart with me… It’s insightful to know who one is thinking after reading…
      ~L

  4. lovely write, L, has so much emotion wrapped up in it too – hard to express those kind of thoughts, but you did it well :) hugs, Terri

  5. very creative and mind blowing poetry, glad to see you share.

    keep it up.

    :)

    • Thanks Taylor! Hearing affirming words are very helpful and kind:) Thank you for the read and taking the time to share your thoughts!

      ~L

  6. Welcome to the blogging world and thanks for stopping by:) ‘artistic’ took a lot of playing around and finding a grove to blogging:)

    it’s very brave to describe the pain… I wish you well and hope you find support here… you are not alone.
    ~L

  7. This is amazing; you explain it perfectly. So sad and real.

  8. So very very beautiful :)
    I just loved it and expressed so much pain of neglecting that child within sometimes even if we want it out…deja vu indeed

  9. All healing begins from within and this poem knocks at our core. Well done.

    Cheers,

    Mark Butkus

  10. I actually just fell in love with this piece.. I don’t want to scar the beauty that I behold from this poem and smudge it with mediocre words..!!

    • Wow … Thank You so much! Taking the time to comment is enough:) but then to hear your kind words made me smile! … To know this post touches people means a lot to me….. It was really hard for to write… It makes it worth it

      Thank You!

      ~L

  11. i think you’re incredibly brave..this was a tight and powerful write…left me breathless at times cause i could feel the pain and struggles…very well written

    • brave is a hard word to give myself many times… I think I ignore the small moments of bravery and that there is a reason for it; and that reason is what is terrorizing and what is limiting me believe I can be braver than what I dream of.

      Thanks so much claudia for your comments… as it has given me a reminder about bravery!

      ~L

  12. very powerful subject that you write of with elegance and such tenderness.

  13. This packs a punch; whenever I read you the chant starts up in me: been there been there been there… And wow:

    Wondering
    If heaven’s been packed away
    While we just keep dancing
    in a homicidal ballet

    Yeah, been there…

    • Ruth.. it’s kinda weird how one can relate to another with the words of a poem… relating to another that has felt similar pain is something that is both heartbreaking and revealing all at the same time….

      Thanks Ruth for sharing your heart…

  14. At some point in our life, the child inside cries out to be heard and then she cannot be denied and once she sees the light of day, the wrongs that hide in shadows cannot hurt her anymore.
    Lovely, emotional, heart felt writing.

    • hummm.. your comment is very thought provoking… your words are powerful and I think I am going to ponder on them… your comment in itself is a ray of light… thank you!

      ~L

  15. The very personal yet universal feelings of being blocked, separated, and yet trying and crying out, are palpable here. All the effort, and rebuff, and trying again, delineated in a way that’s very human. K.

  16. so emotional, sad and powerful yet a beautiful read …thank you so much for sharing x

  17. in general, it’s chilling, but then the last line makes it haunting

    fruit leather

    • yes… haunting are the thoughts that tempt the dancer to give up her shoes…

      thanks zongrik for your thoughts!! from your comment I have thought of many more lines… thanks…

      ~L

  18. Much to say about a very important relationship. I think you might wish to wrap this a bit tighter to make its full power felt and heard.

  19. What an undercurrent. The struggle almost left me out of breath.

  20. dang some hard feelings in this…the abandonment and the guilt that chases along with the decision that was made…i really like the homicidal ballet as well…

    i think charles was pointing out that sometimes less is more…

    • Yes hard feelings …

      Thanks for all your comments this month… Your words are wise! I’m humbled by the support from readers like you… I truly thank you!

      ~L

  21. This read to me like a slam poem. I could see the reader all full of emotion reciting to a crowd.

  22. That is what “they” are is to be reviled, while “we” are a bastion of hope for the hopeless, and strength for the weak.

To all that let me know your thoughts... I appreciate each one. Thank you for reading all my Untitledmoments. ~L

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