If you are reading this from Dverse… I linked the wrong post this is not it:) but you are more then welcome to read it:) here is the right link http://untitledmoments.com/2012/01/31/untitled-i-cant-title-a-moment-if-i-really-dont-know-what-it-is-it-just-is-untitled/
Ugh....
PMS is Depressions worst enemy. I suppose for guys too it would be hard to be depressed and have to deal with a hormonal cranky nagging women once a month :)
But girls… you know that beyond the bloating and frequent stops to the bathroom that are just a wast of time… and once a month you can’t ware white. (well i did that once in rebellion of the curse of periods… and regretful inform you it didn’t go well for me… all that and I was singing at a small coffee shop when the gravity decided to play a funny trick on me as I had my favorite cute white pants on :-/ ) anyway… off that bunny trail (ADD moment) All the bloating and inconvenience of being a girl, can be tiresome, but with all that boldly stated… there is nothing worse than being the girl who suffers from major PMS and being engulfed in depression. Talk about the worst 5 days… emotional, dramatic and out of control.
I didn’t even watch the Super Bowl on Sunday because I was convinced my world as I knew it was coming to an end. Drama, drama, drama :) . …and I love football almost as much as I love my kids;)
I am not going to minimize the pain that I am feeling Depression is very real to me and the emotions I feel are real. Yesterday morning when I awoke after crying my self to sleep and saying many things I did not mean and MAJORLY regret, I was greeted with the curse of our visiting monthly nightmare :) I was not… I repeat NOT smiling then! I out loud told God I was mad at Him. I emotionally stated that this was not funny… this is not a joking mater… My emotions where real! ugh!!! :) oh yes… I then cried for the next 5 hours. So lets just say that the already emotional feelings i had were intensified by 10 from the greatness of PMS.
As I write to you today it’s 11am and I am showered and smiling and ready to face this ugly war and yell at all the lies that the evilness tells me to believe. I am going to do something today and enjoy it! I am going to smile… and laugh… and may cry; yet when the (what I believe are awful…) tears come… I wont think the world is ending.
I have much to face in the next many many months. Many decisions need to be made. I am going to make sure I don’t let my emotions get int he way of my judgement as I make them. I have to realize that depression is a disease and it’s a process to learn how to understand it all.
I am not saying that my posts are going to be full of sunshine. BUT! THEY will be filled with a little more hope… yes and pain… but realizing that beauty comes from pain. (but honest I will be… )
I am off to fight the day… not tomorrow but today.
~L
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