This is my bleeding heart… each word!
I promise you this girl knows EXACTLY what it feels to be me! This is it! If you must know.
This is my secret. This it in whole! every word every note every feeling… every note!
I know it’s a lot of songs… but if you really must know… if you really want to know what it was like for me! I promise you this it…
…. it’s obviously been a bad day. Please pray!
(some OS wont play click here if you can’t watch.This video is exactly how I feel at the moment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpxHzZ11qLo It goes to show you that visual is just as important as words!)
I am not yours
I am not mine
I was born in secrecy
Born among thieves
Born into a family where
addictions cradled me
and evil tucked me in.
Where the waves of the dark sea
sung to me lullabies each and ever night!
I was born into a family that was well acquainted with pain
Thrown in a cradle of addictions
My father an alcoholic
My mother an addict
And yet although both my mother and fathers’ addiction affected me
It was the my grandfather’ addiction
That would prove to be the root
of all the strongholds that have enslaved my life.
I am not yours I am not mine
And yet I was born to you
Born into your secrecy
And all of your thievery.
All of your madness has made me separate from loving you.
I may have my mother’s laugh
And my father’s passions
I may attempt at times to be a part of your genealogy
but will live my own legacy.
I may consider that a normal gathering is a desire of mine.
But when I think about all you have done to destroy me
I remember…
I am not yours
I am not mine
I was only allowed to be thrown into the storm that you created.
forced into a gathering of evilness
as you spoke against my creator
and stole my innocence
night after hell damned night!
Who am I
If I am not yours
And I am not mine
The question than lies
Than Whom do I belong?
I miss you!
Today I miss you so much!
Today I wish I could drive to your house in my sweatpants and over sized sweatshirt and come see you!
Your house is empty…
I am sorry I don’t want you to feel bad!
I don’t want you to even know…
But I miss you so bad!
I need you to bug me to go to the gym
to push through the awful winter that is about to come
or go on and on about your newest read about what foods i should not eat…
what natural way would be the best…
I need you dear friend to be here for me today.
I am mad at God that He took you so far away from me
I am mad that He brought something so dear to me in my life to only take it away from form me…
How is it that God brought you in my life anyway?
How is it that two completely opposite people became such good friends…
how is it that you stuck by my side through all my crazy of life…
today I miss my dear friend…
and I am sure I will miss you for many days to come…
the phone is just not the same…
Darkness may think it has frightened any remaining light.
However I see shadows all around.
Is it not said that a shadow proves the existence of light?
Stay in the light
Burn the fear
Set a blaze to the overwhelming doubt.
Release all the pain
Free the sadness
and never think that mourning this atrocity
makes you less…
Never think that your tears will cultivate the darkness yet again Continue reading →
“I linger in the doorway Of alarm clock screaming monsters Calling my name Let me stay Where the wind will whisper to me Where the raindrops as They’re falling tell a story”~L ’10
It’s kinda been a rough few days for me. Recovery is seeming a little gray at the moment. I know that I’m moving forward and that I’m healing, yet it hurts so bad right now. I’m proud of how far I’ve come these past months…. it still does not make it easier… some days it seems harder! The difference from then to now is hope. I have a grasp on hope and I know deep down inside my sadness that there will be a day when I can look back and say, “I am who I am… beautifully made by my Heavenly Father for a time as such to embark on my passion that God has favorably fashioned in me… and free from the darkness that once kept me silent”
Sometimes it seems like moving forward is so very slow. Sigh… and I know I am doing the very best I can but sometimes my best is not good enough. I want to stay focused and climb this mountain once an for all. Which is also hard when my insurance company is being difficult :/
I have a daughter that is a swimmer… a very good one I might add :) Her main event is the 50 free and every time she shaves a 100th of a second off she is disappointed that it’s not more. At the beginning of the season she never thought she would get any ware close to state time. This weekend she PRed her time and took off seconds of her time that she started with in the beginning of the season. Who would have ever thought that all those 100th of a seconds would some day add up and make her one of the fastest swimmers? (FYI, High School swimming is fun to watch… I myself was the basketball/soccer girl so it took me awhile to enjoy watching this sport :) )
Sigh… that’s just it for me… I need to realize that all these 100th of seconds in my life will add up and before I know it I will be there… ready to embark on the life God has for me. I’m getting it… I am understanding that slow is not bad, yet necessary.
It is my prayer that God will keep me safe in His arms… it’s a hard prayer for me seeing that I am struggling understanding why he would keep me safe now but not then. It’s a hard question many people ask. I just need to remember that despite my doubt I know that His love is real… I know because I feel his presence around me so many times. I need to remember how important it is to feed my faith and starve the doubt. God has a plane for this life of mine. I am sure of this… I just need to keep reminding myself…
_____________________________________________ Should I be bold enough to speak in this moment? A Reverent heart must surely be unbroken…
With no regrets Should I be, Lost in forgetfulness With no regrets In my head, Faithfully shared
Should I be rich, or poor and scattered In my dreams? While all the figures that surround me live unguarded
Free from the worry Free from the dark that lives in me Free to embark on the passion You’ve favorable fashioned in me
With no regrets Should I be, Lost in forgetfulness With not regrets In my head, Faithfully shared.
This is my soul mates new blog:) Very profound affirmation! It is my new fav! Thanks Alli!
I shall add to the end of it… “I will do and be what my God has made me to do and be”! :) I miss you girl! Keep blogging… :)
Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me. Such powerful words…but why is it so hard for me to BELIEVE? I find with each day that passes I become more and more exhausted. The hopelessness is slowly creeping in and I can feel it most when I go to sleep at night. For now I guess I will just keep taking it one day … Read More
Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies.
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths.
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl
what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind
to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such,
to share with the world who she was always meant to be
She thinks with color
And comprehends life as a song
The earth teaches her more than the words in a book
And passion fills her soul as she urges to fight injustice …..
Deep within this vessel lie colors unseen
within her eyes lies a story untold
behind her smile lies a joy that she can’t explain.
A joy that manages to push its way through the underlying ache
Even through the rampant war… her smile lingers on.
He tried and tried to steal her soul
Telling her that her eyes were cursed
Her lips where his
And her body was meant for the moments he created
She was told her voice was null
And she could void all her dreams
because she was meant for him
for nothing less
and nothing more
She was left emptied on an alter of humiliation and shame.
It’s time for her to look inside and put together the real me
It’s time for her to really know that all his words were murdering lies
and she was meant for so much more.
It’s time for her body to see the reflection in the mirror
and know that the eyes she sees carries a love for the brokenhearted
not for him to gaze into and make her feel dirty
And her lips are not cursed as he told her…
rather they are meant to give sweet kisses to her children
and speak out against injustice, to speak in courage,
and put to rest his control once and for all.
Her mind may have been tortured
but it’s time she claims power over the once dominant
And reminds herself that there has been a savior deep within her soul
Persevering her to be the women she is today.
She can laugh
She can sing
She can smile
She can dance
And he can’t tell her she’s any different than what she really is
Beautifully made to behold such a dream to make a difference and claim her name
The name he tried to bury with her innocence and dignity.
I am who I am.
Nothing less and nothing more
I laugh loud
I sing loud
I talk much
I smile at random beauty
and dance to the beautiful melody that lingers in my soul!
My mind is always on the go
I think with color and often put a song to everything I encounter
Inside this body lies a little girl whose beauty was tainted by dark disturbing lies
Inside her mind lies a raging war… damaging deceit against hidden truths
Inside her heart lies a sadness that she must tell this little girl what really happened long ago.
Yet, inside her soul lies a Savior who uniquely created a mind to change the world.
She has been preserved for a moment as such to share with the world who she was always meant to be!
~I think the words to this song have been in my soul long before it was written… One thing for sure I know is that it was Jesus who rescued me from the the dark sky and no matter how awful it got I could always sing to Jesus! This is the song that has lived in my heart for many years… and will till my final heart beat and until that day I will sing to Jesus and be who he has created me to be… His creative and beautiful Child… and I will believe that even if I doubt myself today…
Titling all the untitled moments one post at a time
Thanks for visiting 'Untitled Moments' Where breaking the silence is a learned journey for me. Passion fills many of my posts and pain is spilled throughout ... as splashes of hope and my faith fight its way to the top, someday there they will stay in victory...humbly shinning with purpose and confidence.
Funny, the way they think it’s supposed to be - lead by chic flicks and Kardashian romance that makes me giggle because to me, this thing called love is more than the tossing… Read More →
it swells then crashes down on top of anyone and anything lying in it’s path and burns and turns to ash inside a hollow chest where blood boils and rushes and beats and… Read More →
I will be taking a break from my blogging probably until sometime in the fall. I want to be able to put my effort into writing of another sort. Thank you all for reading and commenting. So until that next post I wish you all the best. - dh
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Our instinct for self-preservation is strong and seemingly automatic. And yet… And yet… There are times when even a creature wired for self-preservation can contemplate suicide. I want to die. I wish I were dead. I’d be better off dead. Then what? I should tell you that if you are currently feeling like dying, you [...]
